Joy Is the Answer
In my early twenties, I dove headfirst into meditation, the law of attraction, and every manifestation practice I could find. But back then, I made a big mistake; I thought the key to success was to ignore anything uncomfortable and only focus on what felt good. This meant suppressing difficult feelings, sidestepping problems, and becoming what’s known as a “spiritual bypasser.”
This worked for a while—until it didn’t. Three years in, life’s challenges hit me like a tidal wave. Everything I tried to ignore came flooding back, including money issues, relationship conflicts, and family tensions. It was like working out one arm obsessively while ignoring the other, only to realize one day that the neglected arm was not only weak but also infected. If you ignore it, eventually that neglected part of you will infect the rest of your body until it demands your full attention.
In a nutshell, this was me:
In my thirties, I took a different approach. I went all-in on therapy, especially with therapists skilled in core energetics and childhood trauma. Through plant medicine journeys, breathwork, men’s groups, and countless other experiences, I went in deep. This time, I was convinced that the only path to healing was to face my darkest fears and go deep into the hidden corners of my being.
While initially terrifying, I eventually became adept at navigating my own darkness. I even started taking pride in how “fearlessly” I could delve into the shadows of my heart, becoming a self-proclaimed “Darkness Warrior.” If my ego could speak then, it would say, “Look at me, look at how brave I am in facing my trauma, how committed I am to going into the hard places.” But this, too, was a trap. I got so comfortable in the dark that I started to lose sight of the light.
(Shoutout to Batman, the original Dark Warrior.)
Now, in my early forties, I’ve come to understand that both extremes—the spiritual bypasser and the Darkness Warrior—are traps. They’re easy to fall into, but they’re also avoidable. And the key to freeing yourself from both lies in something simple, something accessible, and yet something we often overlook.
The key is JOY.
After 41 years on this planet, I’m clear: A major reason our souls choose to come to this planet and have a human experience is to experience joy. Spiritual exploration, facing our inner darkness, and navigating life’s intensities are all also part of the journey. But joy—pure, unfiltered joy—is also essential.
Joy also has 3 cousins: play, pleasure and silliness. All 3 are powerful and deeply meaningful to the human experience.
For me, joy is also distinct from happiness. Happiness feels more complicated, tied up in expectations and “shoulds.” It’s intellectual, whereas joy is of the body. Joy is simple, spontaneous, unexplainable, and not a function of the mind. It’s fleeting and wild, yet always accessible if we’re open to it.
You can’t hold on to joy, but if you’re willing to receive it, joy will always come back.
So, with today’s Deep Dive Class, I wanted to keep it lighter. Over the past two weeks, we ventured deep with MediClasses on the Last Breath Meditation and I Am Not a Human. This time, let’s keep it simple.
Below, you’ll find four journaling prompts. They’re designed to help you welcome joy and its three cousins (playfulness, silliness, and pleasure) into your life. This week, I invite you to explore how these qualities can bring more vitality and ease into your days.
This Week’s Curious Exploration
For EACH of the “4 cousins” (Joy, Play, Pleasure and Silliness) ask yourself the following questions:
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of this energy do you currently have in your life?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much of this energy do you want in your life?
Who in your life encourages or embodies this energy?
How could you bring more of this energy into your life over the next month?
The goal is to find a good balance.
Be gentle, have fun, and don’t take any of this too seriously.
Big love,
D
PS: My editor suggested that wearing a fake moustache or a silly hat while doing the writing prompt can be very helpful, sayng, “It might sound crazy but it works."
